I come on here every now and then and take a look around and see all these women who keep asking or looking for a "nice guy". Well, I am sorry, there is no such thing. Every guy is an asshole, period. Accept it and you will live a long and happy life. Now, there is good news. Although there is no such thing as a nice guy, there are several levels of asshole, and it all depends on how MUCH of an asshole you are willing to associate yourself with. I am an asshole. I really, truly am. The difference between me and other assholes is I know where to stop.
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About me, I am a 27 year old professional male, recently divorced, looking for friendship and maybe more. I am not too serious about serious relationships, but then again, who really is? (Most of the women on this site, actually) If you look for that perfect someone, you are going to get screwed. You have to let that perfect someone fall into your lap. Learned that lesson already. So instead of looking for a serious connection, I am looking for some good friends who potentially might become more. I am funny, witty, open minded, crazy, and have done so much in these short 27 years that it overwhelms most people.
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I currently reside in Southern California, but will be moving to the Greater Boston area this summer to continue my career saving lives for the Coast Guard.
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I like pretty much all the things that normal guys my age like, except for sports. I can’t tell you who the starting line backer on so and so football team is because I just don’t give a rats ass. I love music, movies, fast cars, BMX, surfing, tattoos, piercings, weird hair, big tits, booze, bars, great food, the beach, working out, talking shop, talking politics, insults, and my pets. I was born on the same day Elvis was born which means a few years from now they will find me dead, ass up in a bathroom stall somewhere in Vegas, which is fine with me. I am drug free, I smoke and I like it and I don’t care if it’s going to kill me, I look cool doing it damn it. I love to cook. I am Greek and proud of it damn it, we invented EVERYTHING and we don’t get enough credit for it.
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What is really sad is that, although I you may find this humorous, it’s who I am, and is a legitimate attempt at a personals posting. I doubt that anyone will email me back at all. But, we shall see.
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Here is an amazing list of reasons why you should NOT date an asshole like myself:
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1. I smoke. I smoke like a fucking train.
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2. I smoke and drink. I associate the two, and they go hand in hand.
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3. I drink way too much coffee, and smoke while I drink coffee. Yes, another association.
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4. I use the word "HATE" a lot.
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5. I dislike fat and stupid people to the point of racism
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6. I make fun of retarded kids.
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7. I hate the Special Olympics.
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8. I am in the Military and love it.
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9. I pick my nose like I am going to strike gold.
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10. I love making people cry, it feeds my ego.
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11. My ego is deadly and has been know to squash lesser men, children and retards competing in the special Olympics.
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12. I am hairy and I love it.
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13. I don’t care who hears me fart.
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14. I leave the toilet seat up, so unless you "Got Back", your butt is going to get wet if you come over to my house.
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15. I am an asshole.
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16. I am an Ikea whore, there by making me a closet Metrosexual.
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17. I hate Metrosexuals.
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18. I have too many funny, obnoxious, disturbing and nasty stories to tell, and I don’t care who is around when I tell them.
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19. I have fantastic grammar.
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20. I use the word "Fantastic".
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21. I curse like a sailor.
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22. I am an asshole.
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23. I love myself for being the most awesome person on the planet.
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24. I think I should be an energy drink.
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25. I speak Greek when I get mad, and it sounds like two monkeys fucking a football in a hen house filled with rabid chickens on crack.
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26. I am Greek.
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27. Therefore I am an asshole.
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28. I love cats.
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29. I never plan on ever getting married again.
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30. I love porn.
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31. I should do porn.
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32. Porn porn porn porn porn.
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33. Porn.
34. I hate illegal aliens.
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35. I love beer.
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36. I cook and clean like a woman.
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37. I am too honest for my own good.
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38. I don’t care who sees me pee in this alley, they can kiss my ass.
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39. I can’t stand bums.
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40. I can’t stand the French.
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41. I love mirrors.
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42. Mirrors love me.
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43. I am an egotistical megalomaniac and I flaunt it on a daily basis.
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44. I despise people who don’t know what the above two traits mean.
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45. I curse in public.
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46. I talk way too loud everywhere I go.
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47. I am the greatest thing since sliced bread and spam.
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48. I make vulgar comments about obscure topics at the most socially crippling times.
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49. Porn.
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50. I don’t think you are as cute as you think you are, and I will tell you that every chance I get.
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I think that is a good enough list for right now. I mean, all of these are good reasons to love me and worship me for the rest of your days and for an eternity afterwards, but some people think that these are all bad traits. Yeah, well fuck you pal, I rock.
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That is all.